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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Birthday meditation

 I woke up yesterday morning, on my birthday, thinking, hmmm:

I am 36.

I don't particularly FEEL 36, but then I've never particularly felt any age. Like when I was a kid and turned 7, or 8, or 9, and people asked how it felt to be a 7 (or 8- or 9-)year-old and I honestly didn't feel any different so I didn't know how to answer. "It feels fine," I'd usually say, and adults would laugh. I had learned by about age 5 that saying something like "it feels fine" with a raised eyebrow led most adults to laugh and think I was smart and ironic instead of just baffled.

36, I mused, my eyes still closed, yesterday morning. Well, that's not so old. I'm cool with being 36. I'm 36, I repeated in my mind, trying it on for size. Thirty-six. Wait a second. 36? How can I be 36? My kids are about to turn 13 and 18. I had them when I was 28 and 33. I'm no math scholar but I can not be 36.

Hold on.

I'm 46.


My eyes opened.


I am 46. Wow. Forty-frigging-six???

Well, okay. 46. And how does that feel?

It feels fine.

1 comment:

  1. Gah! I'm late. But happy belated birthday, Rachel. I shared this anecdote with my little sister and our local librarian because sometimes I forget I turned 18 this year. It feels the same as ever. All I know is that I've been blessed with another day, and that this one day has the potential to be awesome. I hope you're enjoying 46 and every single day to come. :)

    Lots of love!